Dating in a Predatory World While Remaining Cautiously Optimistic

In today’s dating world, fear seems to lurk around every corner. With femicide rates rising and horror stories flooding the internet, it's no surprise that many of us approach dating with deep caution. True crime podcasts and chilling headlines have made it clear: predators are out there. The #MeToo movement pulled back the curtain on just how widespread harassment and assault really are. Yet, despite all this visibility, some people still seem shockingly oblivious to the fact that women are being hunted.

I use Bumble to date, and lately, I’ve noticed a troubling pattern: men expecting immediate trust. On first dates, they want to meet at my place or invite me to theirs. Meeting in public? That seems to be off the table. Even if they initially agree, they often try to manipulate the plan—suggesting we’d be “safer” or “save money” by meeting in private, or choosing isolated locations instead.

I made the mistake once of letting someone pick me up. He took me to a public beach, which seemed fine—until he tried to have his way with me in his car. I had to push him off me eight times before demanding he drop me off at a gas station. The entire ride, he kept trying to persuade me to go back to his place—as if what had just happened wasn’t aggressive, violating, and completely unacceptable. This, in a public setting.

Not every man is this tone-deaf or predatory, but experiences like this are exactly why setting boundaries before meeting is critical. Even something as simple as stating your preferences—like only meeting in public or arranging your own transportation—can be incredibly revealing. If they push back or try to change your mind, take it as a clear sign: this is probably not someone worth getting to know.

Still, despite the risks, I believe there’s room for cautious optimism. There are ways to protect ourselves while remaining open to real, genuine connection in this uncertain landscape:

• Always meet in public

• Don’t let them pick you up or drop you off

• Share your location and date details with a trusted friend

• Check in with someone throughout the date

• Keep expectations low until trust is built

• Don’t rush emotional or physical intimacy

I’d even recommend carrying pepper spray or a personal safety alarm. Of course, use your best judgment—just don’t let charm or “sweet talk” override your instincts. Your needs are just as important as theirs. And yes, it’s easy to overlook red flags when an attractive man is showing interest. But remember: his looks don’t earn him access to you. His actions determine if he’s worthy of your time, your trust, and your energy.

Dating can be amazing, freeing, vulnerable, and even comforting. But going into it with self-awareness and both eyes open can save you a lot of pain and confusion. It’s not about being cynical; it’s about protecting your peace while holding onto the hope that keeps us navigating the ever-shifting waters of the dating pool.

Have you ever been blinded by someone’s looks? Or ignored red flags you wish you hadn’t?

Stay alert. Stay safe. And above all, stay rooted in your worth.